World leaders urge US to treat Venezuelan oil humanely

After FIFA Peace Prize winner Donald Trump once again flagrantly broke international law by bombing Venezuela, reportedly killing at least 40 people including civilians, leaders from allies including the EU, the UK and Australia have urged the US government do everything possible to protect Venezuelan oil.

“We will be monitoring the delicate situation in Venezuela to make sure there is no unnecessary loss of innocent oil,” said diplomats in long vague social media posts.

“Maduro was a dictator who we wanted to see gone from Venezuela. Sure we previously said it was important to remove him the legal ways that would have involved enabling Venezuelan people to choose their own leader since that is the only way to ensure future peace, but you know this is also a way to do it…”

“Wait, sorry to clarify wait to clarify, when I say ‘legal’ I do mean that I stand strong in support for international law but in a hypothetical situation where international law could have been broken, we wouldn’t like that and I urge everyone from this point on to not break any laws. But we aren’t saying whether anyone did before, clean slate starting from now.” 

When asked about America deciding a foreign head of state allegedly broke domestic American laws then going and arresting them outside of America, the leaders said “no comment” before deleting multiple JD Vance memes from their phone.