Scott Morrison resigns to spend more time not holding a hose

Alleged Prime Minister Scott Morrison has announced he will retire from Federal politics in order to focus on his passion of doing nothing.

‘Ever since I was slammed for not doing anything during the bushfires and doing barely anything during the pandemic, I’ve realised my main passion isn’t politics or church, it’s being present for global events and not doing anything, just like God” said Mr Morrison in an emotional press conference.

“I thought that it was important to stay on the backbench doing nothing, racking up taxpayer money, I now realise I could rack up even more money doing nothing in the private sector. Jenny made me realise how much more I could make there, she has a way of explaining these things.”

‘I’ve turned not doing anything into sort of an art form, it’s not enough to just sit around, I could have done that in my electorate, I need to be where a lot of things are going on and then do nothing while I’m there. I tested this successfully by visiting Israel last year!’

Mr Morrison’s resignation has received rare bipartisan support from politics, with conservatives congratulating him on a successful 16 year career, and progressives making a good decision.