Shockwaves have rippled through the Liberal Party today as Peter Dutton has left the nation stunned by doing the right thing.
This after Dutton removed Senator David Van from the Liberal Party following allegations of workplace sexual harassment and assault. The decision has reportedly left former Prime Ministers Turnbull and Morrison scratching their heads at the idea of removing Van instead of the traditional punishment of a promotion.
“What happened to the classic Liberal Party values?” asked Turnbull. “when I saw the news I thought, ‘wow that man has all the qualifications to be the perfect Attorney-General‘ but for some reason Dutton booted the guy instead? This sets a very confusing precedent.”
“We all know the proper way to handle this sort of behaviour is to promote the guy and help cover it up until it is exposed well after you’ve left politics, then you speak out in order to pretend to be on the right side of history.”
“It just makes no sense,” said Morrison, “Senator Van’s actions seem like the kind of thing a future Deputy PM would do, or at the bare minimum a decent education minister. What about the rule of Law or any of the other excuses?”
“I mean, did Dutton even follow proper procedure and consult Jenny first?”
Reports suggest that executives at Channel 7 have rushed to their cheque book hoping to book an exclusive interview with David Van to hear ‘his side of the story’.