Liberal Party promises extra $100 billion for cum-proof desks in parliament

With the Liberal Party on the backfoot over women’s safety in the workplace, the party is now looking to this year’s budget to show that they’re serious about women’s issues.

“Here in the Liberal party, we’re turning a page. We believe that no woman should have to come to the workplace and deal with their male coworker’s cum all over their desk,” Treasurer Josh Frydenberg announced during the budget reveal on Monday. “That’s why we’ve allocated $100 billion dollars towards desks made from a rare, brazilian walnut tree that repels human ejaculate”.

While some analysts have claimed that allocating $100 billion from taxpayers for expensive, single-purpose desks is unrealistic, most economists agree that it’s a more realistic goal than the Liberals actually tackling the toxic culture of misogyny within their party.

The desk was unavailable for comment.

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