Leaked polling suggests most Australians think Herald Sun is dogshit

Shocking developments today are suggesting all of Australia thinks the Herald Sun and its editorial staff are absolute dogshit. This development comes from leaked internal polling data conducted by us, of a statistically insignificant amount of people we already suspected would hate the Herald Sun. If we use this unbiased data to represent a larger data set, then use that to represent all of Australia then we have proof everyone thinks they are a completely unreliable and extremely biased news source. We asked a series of questions to the 5ish people and here are the results: Do you read the Herald Sun? 0% Yes, 100% No Do you think the Herald Sun is Dogshit? 100% Yes, 0% No How much do you trust the Herald Sun? 0% any amount, 100% Fuck All Do you think the Herald Sun should just stop? 100% Oh my god yes how good would that be? This damning evidence shows serious issues for the public perception of the ‘news’ paper after recent controversies around basically every article they have ever written comprising glaring inaccuracies. Some Australians even allege that their editorial standards are even worse than ours, and we don’t even bother checking facts most the time, which is the one thing we have in common with the Herald Sun. In response to our data the Herald Sun showed us some upcoming polls they have ready to go to prove they do actually have editorial standards: Smash mouth is the best band ever (according data from members of Smash Mouth), eating pizza and liking wine makes you unique and quirky (according to data from Millennials), koalas should just be left to die out (according to data from NSW Nationals members), The Herald Sun is trustworthy (according to 40% of writers at the Herald Sun) and journalists in Australia do a fair and balanced job in their questioning of Labor ministers compared to Liberal ministers (this according to the percentage of media operated by News Corp plus a few ABC journos).

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