Latest Herald Sun Poll shows 137% of people voting ‘No’ 

An alarming new poll from Australia’s most alarming newspaper has projected 137% of Australians will be voting ‘No’ in the upcoming referendum.

“We asked our readers to write in and tell us exactly how they’ll be voting and out of 100 responses we received, 137 said they’d be voting no,” said editor Sam Weir.

Opposition Leader Peter Dutton said the polling showed that there was no point in even going through with the vote on the issue. “It’s not like we should wait to hear from people directly affected by this decision — I mean, just look at the polling.”

The Herald Sun editor said he was proud of the result. “And here at the Herald Sun, we take our position as the number one most cautioned newspaper by the Australian Press Council seriously. Whether we’re spreading alarmist theories about the Greens political party, deadnaming trans people or consistently breaching media ethics, we are committed to reporting only what our readers want to hear and nothing else.”

Miraculously un-retired columnist Andrew Bolt also weighed in on the article. “This is why I’m proud to work at the Herald Sun. They don’t care if the truth hurts because they’re not even sure what it is. They like to call us biased, but we’ve confirmed the truth for ourselves using our eyes and ears and opinions. We’ve got what I like to call ‘confirmation bias’.”

The Herald Sun have also announced a series of tasteful cartoons regarding the voice will be featured very soon. “Has anyone seen the guy who drew that Serena Williams cartoon? That got us some terrific coverage. It was all over the news!”

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