In a shrewd decision with near bipartisan support, the Albanese Government has spoken about the looming bushfire season boldly promising to protect the investment properties of the South Coast.
“Investment properties in overpriced coastal towns keep the economy afloat and we need to ensure we protect the assets of every Labor donor in NSW,” declared the Prime Minister at a press conference.
“I’ve spoken to the chiefs at the fire stations in charming holiday spots and every quaint 3 bedroom cottage and subdivided Airbnb will be prioritised in the event of a catastrophic fire event,” he said motioning to a cadre of well-dressed emergency services executives.
“As you can see, I’ve brought with me over 175 years of collective firefighting experience and while I’m not going to listen to them about additional funding or climate change action, I am going to autocratically deploy them to protect the safe Labor seats and my favourite holiday spots before they help the riff-raff.”
“Of course, our thoughts and prayers go out to local residents and we encourage you to consider purchasing an investment property in your area that sits empty for much of the year so that you have somewhere to go in the event of an emergency.”
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