Labor announces social media ban will work using the power of a magic lamp that grants wishes

The Labor government have finally given some detail on the teen social media ban they are trying to rush through parliament, explaining that the experts criticising the bill are failing to take into consideration the use of magic wishes.

“We need to make sure that legislation like this is handled with care,” said the PM after giving less than a day for experts to look over it, “we need to carefully get this out the door as quickly as possible before the next election.”

“We need realistic solutions but experts keep being such downers saying they ‘don’t exist’, but then we realised that the actual solution is to just ask a genie for a perfect wish.”

“The best part of the magic genie plan is that we can fix it with one wish, then with the next two wishes we can do the impossible like getting people to actually like Albo and actually secure the News Corp endorsement this bill is actually about.”

When asked whether the government had taken steps to get a magic lamp, the Prime Minister said he would sort out the finding of a lamp next year after the election.