Coalition commits to net zero clarity on climate policy by 2030

The National Party has gained an extra position in Federal Cabinet in return for committing to do anything nothing towards a climate goal for 2050. The Nationals lauded Scott Morrison’s brilliant negotiating technique of conceding everything without gaining anything. The deal means that the government is now on track to meet its ambitious goal of net zero clarity on climate policy by 2030. “Our policy is crystal clear,” claimed the PM, “we want nothing to be crystal clear. The less clear the better, that goes for policy and the sky after our coal is burned. It’s time that we make progress, at a future time.” “We are committed to committing to net zero by 2050, but we are also committed to increasing our coal production. We do not want to destroy the economy, but we should be investing more into fuel sources that less countries want to buy, decreased demand means increased demand and supply. We will also be investing in green coal, and brown coal, and black coal. Renewables, maybe?” “Climate change is a serious threat, especially to billionaires who dig up stuff in rural areas. Barnaby has vowed to look after that community. And we all know that we can trust a vow from Barnaby Joyce.” “We will be listening to the top experts from Clive to Gina and everyone in between,” Mr Joyce told reporters. “We truly represent a diverse array of mining billionaire.”