National
Opposition leader Peter Dutton has come under fire after smuggling a highly radioactive lump of refined uranium into parliament and producing it as a prop in question time.
“This is uranium, don’t be scared of it!” he shouted at panicked staffers, “It was dug up, refined and enriched by people who work in this country for a company that is also in this country, to be used (sometimes) in this country!”
“When will the people of Australia learn that the answer isn’t our limitless potential for solar energy or half the country being the perfect setup for wind farms. It’s spending nearly $400billion on the most dangerous power source ever devised, it’s so simple!”
Scientists reassured reporters that no body was harmed during the stunt explaining that, “most people were vigilant and escaped as soon as they saw him to avoid exposure to the toxic waste. Honestly most left so fast screaming in horror at the sight of him that they didn’t even notice the uranium.”
The Prime Minister responded to Dutton’s claims reaffirming his position against nuclear energy stating, “we will continue to lead this country to Net 0, decades from now, without the use of radioactive substances. No matter how many coal mines we plan open in the process!”
