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Calls for Barnaby Joyce to be put on cashless welfare card

Dramatic scenes in Parliament House as the Coalition has demanded that Former Nationals leader and families man Barnaby Joyce be put on a cashless welfare card.

“Taxpayer money should not be going towards people getting drunk,” said Peter Dutton, “if he wants to live on taxpayer dime, he needs to do so responsibly by having the government dictate every purchase he makes.”

“It’s clear that these political elites can not be trusted with their taxpayer money. They just blow it all away on booze and drugs. I say the end goal should be cutting them all off and making the bludgers get a real job!”

“There might be a real problem here and it is the government’s duty to act by punishing the individual without any consultation with those affected or experts, and definitely no attempts to address systematic issues at play. Just cut him off in the most embarrassing way possible and paint everyone like him with the exact same brush. It’s the humane thing to do.”

In response the Labor Government said they have ‘abolished’ the cashless debit card system, as was their election promise, however they will look into adding him to their broader ‘income management’ program that experts say is ‘basically the same end result’ as a cashless debit card.

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