BREAKING: The Coalition

In breaking news, the federal Liberal National Coalition is breaking apart.

This comes as two parties who couldn’t form government together now reckon they can do it without each other.

Nationals Party leader David Littleproud told reporters that after years of being a completely dysfunctional pair who were never able to agree on anything, shockingly the parties couldn’t come together for an agreement.

“It’s not you it’s me,” said Littleproud, “I’m just not ready for this kind of commitment and need to do some soul searching to see who we are without you.”

“I also need to search to discover whether I have a soul.”

“But I am happy to keep the door open to come back, in case it turns out people still hate us come the next election, leaving us desperate with no other options.”