Andrew Bolt blames multiculturalism for why he can’t find his keys

TV presenter and man who looks like a melting racist statue, Andrew Bolt has come under fire after blaming multiculturalism as the reason he couldn’t find his keys this morning causing him to arrive late to work. “Much like everything else in this day and age, the mainstream media is too scared to speak up about the truth of how damaging multiculturalism is!” yelled the mainstream media host who constantly writes opinion pieces for multiple papers on the subject. “See I got up this morning ready to speak the truth and realised I couldn’t find my keys. My wife suggested they could be in the couch or in my pocket from yesterday, but I knew the truth. African gangs probably came out of the shadows to steal them.” “We are being invaded by people who look different to us and speak a different language to us. That is scary and they will attack you, steal our land and treat us like second class citizens on our land. Never in the history of Australia, even back when Captain Cook or the first fleet landed, has an invasion like this happened before on these shores. See they claim they are here to try to improve their lives and work, but how long till they start shooting everyone and claiming our home belongs to them?” “I will admit that on this one example of my keys going missing my wife was right, and the keys were in my pants from yesterday but still, the multiculturalists are out to get me and they’re out to get you too! Who is to say they didn’t plant my keys in my pocket after doing menacing things with them? I am telling you this whole multiculturalism thing is just one massive cult and is ruining Australia, and I can prove it. Ever noticed how you can’t even spell ‘multiculturalism’ without having ‘cult’ right in the middle of it?” We asked Bolt whether he would oppose the idea of say someone who isn’t an Australian citizen having control of roughly say 70% of all print media, heavily influencing the culture of Australia. He said it would depend on where they came from, how white they are and whether he would continue to get to be paid lots of money to spew hatred on what is supposed to be the news.

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