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Sale of Arnott’s business to include several other companies nobody wants

Australians have reacted with outrage this week, following news that the American owned brand Arnott’s is set to be sold to US Private Equity firm KKR, in a move many are describing as more tasteless than a milk arrowroot.

However, KKR are reportedly now having second thoughts, after Campbell’s Soup Company, which currently owns Arnott’s, insisted the $3 billion sale include several less popular companies as well.

“Of course, Arnott’s was the only one we wanted. But they threw in a load of crap as well, even had the gall to call it a commercial variety pack, even though most of them were basically the same company but in different structures.” says KKR Managing Director Mike Hatfield. 

“I mean what the hell are we supposed to do with Prego? I get that it’s an Italian word, but Australian consumers are more likely to associate it with teen pregnancy than Leonardo Da Vinci.”

KKR sales executive William Kavur, who led the negotiations with Campbell’s, admitted things could have gone better.

“Yes, it wasn’t the best deal. But if I had to listen to them talk about that time Andy Warhol made an artwork with Campbell Soup cans one more time, I’d have stepped out the window.”



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