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Rupert Murdoch to divorce after getting caught fucking America

Media mogul and real life Bond villain Rupert Murdoch has today been dumped by former wife Jerry Hall, after Hall caught Murdoch fucking democracy.

“It was so obvious but I chose to ignore it,” said Hall, “People kept saying that Piers Morgan was clearly kissing Rupert’s ass every night on TV, but I always thought that was a metaphor.”

In a statement about the upcoming divorce, Murdoch said that he was thankful to News Corp for dubbing him ‘the world’s most eligible bachelor’ but he plans to follow his heart and settle down with his one true love, world domination.

Australia meanwhile has also filed for divorce from Murdoch, after learning Rupert was screwing other countries behind its back.

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