Rudd furious that Epstein files didn’t mention that he’s fluent in Mandarin

As reporting shows former Prime Minster Kevin Rudd was mentioned multiple times in the Epstein files, Dr Rudd has expressed anger that none of the people who mentioned him ever brought up that he is fluent in Mandarin.

The former PM has denied ever meeting Epstein, explaining that he would never willingly have a conversation with someone where he doesn’t get a chance to show off that he is bilingual.

“Why even bring me up if they aren’t going to mention it,” screamed Rudd, “if I can bring it up in every conversation, they can to! Did they even mention my handball skills?”

“At the very least they could have referred to me as ‘Future Dr’ Rudd. These fucking people.”