NSW Police officials have addressed the nation calling for Australia to simply accept that there was absolutely no other way to stop a slow moving frail 95 year old lady with a walker other than tasing her, before allegedly tasing her again.
“She had a knife,” claimed a representative for the police, “she was a real threat to any nearby butter.”
“Officers asked her to drop the knife, she didn’t do it straight away so we tased her an appropriate amount of times. She could have really hurt herself, so our officers hurt her instead, protecting her from herself. They are heroes!”
NSW Police confirmed they will investigate the actions left the old lady in a critical condition, hoping to uncover as many excuses as possible to not charge the officers with attempted murder so they can sweep it under the rug like with their other investigations when officers brutalise First Nations people and disabled people, or illegally strip searching teens.
“There has been a lot of lies in the media that would be cleared up by the confronting bodycam footage. Footage that we will not be releasing for lack-of-transparency’s sake. Just know that we are handling this with the investigation we are conducting into ourselves, as we can clearly be trusted to do the right thing.”