Massive dick reckons he can win penis measuring contest

World’s most insecure billionaire Elon Musk has publicly challenged alleged human Mark Zuckerberg to a literal penis measuring competition, saying he is confident he can win after hearing people refer to him as ‘massive dick’ his entire life.

This comes after the historic launch of Zuckerberg’s Twitter competitor Threads, which rose to popularity by simply not being owned by the living embodiment of a divorced dad going through a midlife crisis.

“Enough foreplay,” said the dick, “I want to see Zuckerberg’s penis. I’ve always wanted to do compare the sizes, that’s why the rockets are shaped the way they are.”

“I know I would win, everyone from the employees suing Tesla for alleged racism, to dad’s emerald mine workers and even my own kids have always referred to me as the biggest dick out there.”

“Who knows? Maybe when I win this, the advertisers will want to associate with me again, users will stop fleeing to Threads, one of my ex-wives might take me back and my kids will return my calls. They will all love me once they see my penis right?”

Elon Musk’s lawyers have responded to the challenge by preparing a combination of an NDA and a horse to offer Zuckerberg, “it is the tradition around here whenever Musk desperately tries to show someone his cock.”