Julian Assange cuts deal with US after seeing what Australia does to whistleblowers

Embattled Whistleblower Julian Assange has renegotiated his release deal with the US government, this time begging for permission to stay as far away from Australia as possible.

This comes as the Wikileaks founder’s six year trial ended rather abruptly after another Australian whistleblower was arrested, charged and convicted with blistering speed.

“I’ve gone up against the CIA, The NSA and MI5,” said Assange, “but going up against the Australian government in the Australian Supreme court? Absolutely not, who knows what they’ll do to a whistleblower like me? I don’t even want to image such things!”

Assange’s parents have expressed gratitude that the ordeal is over and their son won’t have to reside in Townsville any longer than needed.