ICJ judges banned from working at ABC

The ABC’s bosses have responded to the ICJ ruling that it is reasonable to make allegations of genocide against Israel, by telling their reporters that all ICJ judges are now banned from ever working at the public broadcaster.

“We received some questions from our journalists asking how to cover the ruling,” said ABC Managing Director David Anderson, “but more importantly, I have received texts from a bunch of pro-Israel lobby groups whose concerns I will focus on addressing immediately. The messages say that the ICJ ruling is controversial, therefor we have decided to ban ICJ from ever working here. As well as any women of colour who acknowledge that the ICJ exists.”

“This is not to say others at the ABC can not do articles on the ICJ ruling, we would just strongly recommend that any reporting gloss over the ‘plausible genocide argument’ part of the ruling. Instead you should focus solely on how the interim ruling didn’t demand a ceasefire, instead just giving warnings and demanding oversight. Because technically it is true and makes it sound a lot less ‘one sided’ against Israel’s actions than the actual ruling was.”

“Moving forward, be sure to keep our commitment to unwavering unbiased journalism at the core of whatever you are posting. Also, please remember that the UN and The Hauge are potentially biased sources who cannot be trusted, whenever they disagree with the always factual IDF media statements.”