Disabled man applies to be Bill Shorten’s speech writer in hopes to finally get funding from Services Australia

Following the revelation that Bill Shorten’s personal speech writer is getting paid over $300,000 a year from Services Australia, a local disabled man has applied for the position of speech writer in a desperate bid to actually get some support from Services Australia.

“No more jumping through endless hoops to try get Centrelink or NDIS payments,” said David, “it’s clear the best way to actually get money from Services Australia is to simply work for Bill Shorten’s PR team.”

“I’ve seen in the news that Shorten is working with the team behind Robodebt to increase the red tape in the NDIS and try punish some of it’s users, but I won’t need to worry about that because I’ll be getting paid more than a senator just to write a few speeches a month to distract from what he is doing.”

“Best part is that if you’ve ever seen Shorten talk, you know that they don’t care about those speeches being any good. I have no experience and I am probably over qualified to write his zingers.”

Shorten has responded to the application by saying that it is making him re-evaluate how he approaches his portfolio, “normally when I see a disabled person, what I really see is a potential photo-op where I pretend to listen to whatever they are saying, but now I see they can serve a whole other use to me; writing the speeches where I talk about the importance of listening to disabled people.”