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Alan Jones takes break from broadcasting to spend more time writing love letters to students

Former radio shock jock, turned former tv host, turned former aspiring youtuber Alan Jones has announced that he will not be returning to his online show, disappointing his 10s of fans around the world.

Jones, who recently faced multiple allegations of indecent assault against young men, has confirmed that he is in no rush to return to his nightly online show but reassured fans that he is confident his channel ADH will be able to find other bigots to fill his role in ‘fighting the establishment’, thanks to his financial backing of billionaire-by-inheritance James Packer.

“I want to take this time to focus on my passions,” said the disgraced former teacher, “so I’ve gotten out the old pen and paper to get back to writing love letters to 14 year old school students.”

“Now that I am not working I can muck around with some old hobbies too, like ranting about all these lazy entitled young people who refuse to work. Or a nice relaxing round of attacking powerful women.”

“I just really want to get back to my roots, you know? I might even incite a cheeky race riot while I’m at it. Ahh the good old days.”

The news of his break has been heartbreaking to many politicians around the country, with leaders from both Labor and the Coalition putting out statements saying they are devastated that they will need to find a new person’s arse to kiss when trying win over a few voters from the key ‘racist uncle that the family doesn’t talk to anymore’ demographic.

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