Thirsty man in desert thinks Oasis reunion might be a mirage

A middle aged Englishman crawling on his hands and knees in the desert has seen a glistening image of the Gallagher brothers on the horizon. Coupled with the news of an Oasis reunion through a crackling handheld radio, the shimmering Gallaghers have given Dave Smith (43) newfound hope to survive.

Shaking as he pressed the fading device to his ear, Dave Smith was initially overjoyed by the news. “Oasis is my favourite band, and also my favourite source of sustenance!” he was heard exclaiming to the desert rodents nipping at his feet. 

“I never thought this would happen. I was told that Noel and Liam would never patch things up and that my plane would never crash into the Arabian peninsula. Also, is that water on the horizon?”

However, as the sun began to set and the desert wolves began to howl, Smith couldn’t help having doubts. Maybe the brothers would never get together. Maybe the tour would be cancelled before the first show. Maybe the Boeing 737 Max had never been a safe mode of transport.

Vowing to obtain tickets at any cost, Smith exclaimed that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, assuming his lifetime lasts long enough to actually attend the concert. 

Smith was last heard contacting Ticketmaster customer service with the remaining 1% of battery life on his phone. Asked whether tickets would be available, Ticketmaster said “definitely maybe”.