Local serial killer feeling pretty good about Channel 7 application

Following Seven West Media’s recent investments in high profile men, 29 year old local serial killer Travis Wilson has been left feeling hopeful for his application with the company.

“It’s been a difficult few years for serial killers,” said Wilson as he threw a suitcase into the Cooks River, “lockdown meant we were all inside. They wouldn’t let backpackers into the country and our victims just aren’t carrying cash anymore. What are we meant to do for money now, ask for their Beem It?” 

Wilson has spent the last few weeks eagerly awaiting a response following his audition to be the new composting expert on Better Homes and Gardens.

Wilson is hoping to be the latest controversial figure to benefit from Channel 7’s payroll. The station has recently come under fire for funding legal costs for key witnesses in Ben Roberts-Smith’s defamation hearing, paying Bruce Lehrmann’s rent for 12 months and refusing to let Big Brother die.

“Everyone deserves a second, third, fourth and maybe even fifth chance,” a company insider said, “Channel 7 is committed to diversity, that includes the people no one else will touch.”

“I feel like I’ll fit right in,” Wilson said, “it’s just nice to know that no matter what you allegedly do, your employer has your back. You just don’t get that kind of commitment from a lot of companies these days”