General News

We will know who the new leader of the LNP is when white smoke appears from the Prayer Room.

This comes as the dark lord who dedicated his life to hurting others in a relentless pursuit of power lost the Australian election.

It will be his first job where he can’t just abuse minorities.

Reports say he wouldn’t stop flashing it around all night

“You can’t expect me to pay attention to what the hosts are saying without it.”

“I’ve cast my vote, now I want to play with my democracy sausage.”

“I hope they all had fun”

The egregious error happened ‘way too close’ to an early polling station, at just 15km away.

“Forget the gender pay gap, the #MeToo movement and women’s rights – all we needed was a group selfie from outer space.”  

“I’m normally in bed by 8:30, what do you mean it’s not over”