Business
Supermarket giants Coles and Woolworths have responded to allegations from the ACCC of colluding to price gouge shoppers by saying they would never collude on anything, in a joint statement.
“The idea that we would work together is ridiculous,” said the CEOs of both companies in perfect unison, “we only care about what is best for our money providers… I mean beloved customers.”
“We are completely independent in our decision making process here at insert company here. We are also ready to break the kneecaps of anyone who suggests we act as some sort of mafia.”
“We would never randomly raise and reduce prices on things. Our prices that are coincidentally the same are based on the market rates that we set. The market rate has ultimately been really affected by ‘insert whatever the biggest news story of the month is’.”
“If anyone wants to hear more about this, the rest of the statement is now discounted at just $10 a word. That’s a 50% discount to what it ill cost the week after.”
