Telstra reassures customers that staff cuts won’t affect trademark 4 hour hold times

Telstra have clarified that the cutting of 2,800 jobs will have no impact on their customer service, including the iconic four hour wait times and hold music.

“We’re committed to providing the service you’re used to,” said CEO Vicky Brady, “spending half your day listening to our hold music is a staple of Australian culture. It goes hand in hand with being a Telstra customer and I want personally guarantee to of our customers that you can still call us up and we’ll do our best not to help you.”

Telstra has announced further job cuts are likely, citing ongoing inflation of executive pay and inflation of prices.

“I give you this promise Australia, no matter how many people we mercilessly fire to protect our profits and bonuses, you won’t notice anything different.”

Telstra customers have responded by expressing genuine surprise that anyone still works there.