Jeff Bezos replaces The Washington Post with ‘The Washington News Fulfilment Centre’

Living cartoonish description of an evil billionaire, Jeff Bezos has announced that the major layoffs he is rolling out at The Washington Post are only just the beginning as the outlet moves away from being a prestige trusted news outlet to a ‘News Fulfilment Centre’.

“The media industry needs to adapt to survive,” said the former Amazon CEO, “and like how I revolutionised shopping in a way that destroyed all the joy and community of local shops, I too will revolutionise the media.”

“Gone are the days of a journalist slowly finding a story, making sure it is in the public interest, fact checking it, then releasing it. That sort of slow system is not what our customers want.”

“In this new age of media, the remaining workers will be ready to rush out many articles as fast as possible, or they will be fired.”

Signs have been put up around the office telling workers that they don’t need a union and every journalist has been gifted a complimentary plastic water bottle to use instead of toilet breaks.