Barnaby Joyce volunteers to ‘thoroughly investigate’ Merivale venues

Shadow Minister for blood alcohol levels Barnaby Joyce, has enthusiastically volunteered to conduct a ‘thorough investigation’ into the allegations of the culture of Merivale venues.

This follows reporting of sexual misconduct, drugs and systemic abuses of power within hospitality giant, which the former Deputy PM has offered to immerse himself to fully see what is happening, ‘for research purposes’.

“If this sort of thing is going on at Australian venues then we should be aware of it and not make any judgements until we have the whole picture,” said a visibly energetic Joyce.

“Everything that is being reported sounds super inappropriate for a workplace… well outside of the Prayer Room.”

Joyce maintains his “Double platinum VIP Status” at controversial Merivale venue ‘The Ivy’ isn’t a conflict of interest. “Who better to investigate the goings on at these places than the member of parliament whose been there the most?”

Merivale group has since released a statement claiming that they have never received a complaint from anyone about anything, ever.