Optus CEO says Panadol caused the network outage

Optus CEO Stephen Rue has finally fronted the press after a failed network upgrade caused major outages stopping people from being able to reach 000. Rue told reporters that after a long search, he finally found the cause of the outage: Paracetamol.

“It’s really horrible what it’s doing to our society,” he said, “for decades I’ve been concerned about it and the telecom experts said I was wrong, but now I think I’m right.”

“To any pregnant people out there planning to call 000, please keep fighting and tough it out. You’re doing this to protect all the little tiny phones out there in the world.”

“Remember at Optus we say Yes to everything except Panadol usage, and anyone trying to call our complaints line but can’t because they have no service.”