Millennials relieved they invested in avocado toast instead of the stock market

As the stock market flip flops wildly to US President Donald Trump’s political prowess and intelligence, one generation is taking to the streets in celebration: the Millennials. 

“I’m feeling pretty smug about my decision,” 37-year-old Daisy Garland says. “I’ve got no hope of buying a house or retiring, but now nobody else does either.”

“And do you know what I do have? Years of experiencing delicious avocado toast, while those who poured their money into the stock market have to panic every morning about whether they will have anything to show for it.”

While she’s not able to dole out financial advice, Ms Garland highly recommends investing in “little treats” rather than “imaginary money on the internet”.