Dear Valued Customer,

In August last year, we announced our complete unwillingness to comply with Europe’s new General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) and today we stand firmly behind that belief. However on further review, our lawyers have advised strongly against our previously flippant approach, and as a result we will now be doing the bare minimum to ensure we scrape by, by which we mean we will be informing you exactly how we plan to unethically sell every last scrap of your data to foreign agents.

Please be assured that as of this day, any and all information you provide to us about your location, your income, your interests, friends, family, religion, and sex life, or lack thereof, will be shamlessly sold to the lowest bidder from a range of dodgy Russian outfits. In line with our Privacy Policy it is also encumbent on us to stress that any and all users of the Chaser’s online services agree to the following terms:

By visiting Chaser.com.au, accessing our social media, or subscribing to the newsletter, you agree to:

1.  Grant the Chaser full power of attourney
2. Include Chaser founders Charles Firth and Dominic Knight as sole recipients of your estate in your last Will and Testament
3. Transfer at least ten percent of your yearly income to Chaser Cayman Islands Secret Holding Corporation.
4. Not walk side-to-side with your family down a busy city footpath, thereby blocking everyone else from passing
5. Not snitch on us to the European Union when we sell all your secrets to Russian hackers, on pain of death

If you have any questions about this update, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our support team, who will be more than happy to onsell your contact details to various spam services.

Thanks,
The Chaser Team

P.S. By the time you’ve read this far down we’ll have finished mining all your Facebook data. You really should delete those embarrassing photos of your straw fedora phase back in 2007.