A message from our CEO regarding your data privacy

Dear Valued Customer,

In August 2017, we announced our unwillingness to comply with Europe’s new General Data Protection Regulation (GDPR) and today we stand firmly behind that belief. However on further review, our lawyers have advised strongly against our previously flippant approach, and as a result we will now be doing the bare minimum to ensure we scrape by, by which we mean we will be informing you exactly how we plan to unethically sell every last scrap of your data to foreign agents.

Please be assured that as of this day, any and all information you provide to us about your location, your income, your interests, friends, family, religion, and sex life, or lack thereof, will be shamlessly sold to the lowest bidder from a range of dodgy Russian and/or Saudi outfits. In line with our Privacy Policy it is also encumbent on us to stress that any and all users of the Chaser’s online services agree to the following terms:

By visiting Chaser.com.au, accessing our social media, or subscribing to the newsletter, you agree to:

  1. Grant The Chaser full power of attorney
  2. Include Chaser founders Charles Firth and Dominic Knight as sole recipients of your estate in your last Will and Testament
  3. Transfer at least ten percent of your yearly income to Chaser Cayman Islands Secret Holding Corporation.
  4. Not walk side-to-side with your family down a busy city footpath, thereby blocking everyone else from passing
  5. Not snitch on us to the European Union when we sell all your secrets to Russian hackers, on pain of death

If you have any questions about this update, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our support team, who will be more than happy to onsell your contact details to various spam services.

The Chaser Team

P.S. By the time you’ve read this far down we’ll have finished mining all your Facebook data. You really should delete those embarrassing photos of your straw fedora phase back in 2007.

The Chaser will not release your information to the public, unless you are the Prime Minister or Alan Jones in which case we may publish your phone number on rare occasions. The Chaser thanks officers of the Australian Federal Police for advising, in 2003, that that this is not illegal.

On a more serious note, by using the Chaser website, store and our affiliated services (henceforth referred to at The Chaser), you agree that personal data, including your IP address, site navigation, and information required by a commercial transaction or donation may be collected and stored by Chaser Digital Pty Ltd, as well as independent third parties involved in delivering content or services as part of The Chaser content and product line. Information may also be shared within The Chaser family of companies, including Chaser Broadcasting Pty Ltd, Chaser Publishing Pty Ltd and Chaser Digital Pty Ltd, as party of simplifying customer interactions across our range of services.

If you would like information stored on servers and databases owned or operated by The Chaser to be retrieved, reviewed, or removed, you may contact [email protected] and we will comply with any and all relevant laws based on your place of residence at the time of access, and/or Australian federal and state law, as relevant. The Chaser may request access or deletion of your information from third parties involved in your interactions with the Chaser’s range of services, though we cannot guarantee compliance from independent third parties.

For further information on your rights and obligations, please refer to our Terms of Service.