Staff at the White House have today raced to make sure all bottles of bleach are placed on high up shelves today following the announcement that President Donald Trump has contracted coronavirus.
“I’ve got this guys,” Trump was heard rambling as he dug through the White House laundry. “Hmm, I wonder if tide pods would work? Anyone got any sunlight syringes?”
However, doctors at the White House say they are unconcerned with Trump’s diagnosis, stating that the worst case scenario is he pulls through and survives. “Frankly we’d appreciate if he gave the bleach a go,” they explained. “It’s definitely not going to cure him of coronavirus but at least it’ll destroy one disease that’s plaguing our country.”