LATEST
POPULAR
Unpaid intern dies of exposure
Gabby is sub-letting with three other corpses until grave prices come down

Friends and family of unpaid intern Gabby White have today gathered in Melbourne to pay their last respects to the loving sister, friend and tax loophole for the final time.

Gabby, just 23 years old, passed away peacefully on her feet this week, after succumbing to the large amounts of exposure that came from wiping tables at her unpaid internship at a local Muffin Break.

An aspiring muffin artist, Gabby is said to have one day dreamed of working her way up to paid intern, and maybe even one day being able to cover the cost of the bus to and from the mall where she worked.

Friends of Gabby say they are in shock at the news, with few even realizing that she had taken a job at Muffin Break. “It’s just so unexpected,” said one of her friends this evening, “Of all the people why Gabby, and more importantly why Muffin Break? If you’re going to work for free for exposure why the hell would you do it at a muffin shop. I just have so many unanswered questions.”

Gabby’s employers are also said to be in mourning, with the news of her demise taking a serious toll on the entire company. “It’s just such a shame,” said her tearful former boss Joyce Brenner outside the chapel this afternoon. “Now I’m going to have to pay staff overtime until I can find another free intern to replace her. Oh it’s just not fair!”

Likewise her family are devastated, releasing a statement to the press this afternoon. “If only something could have prevented this, like the health cover that comes with paid employment,” it read. “Don’t know why she needed this unpaid internship in the firstplace, frankly. Back in my day we just walked right up and asked for a job with full benefits and holidays, and got it first try, no fancy uni degree or nothing. She should have just done that!” It added, unhelpfully.

However some at the wake carried a more sunny disposition, choosing to see the event as a celebration of all that Gabby achieved in her life, rather than reflecting on her death. “While she may have lived a short life, I think death is just the start of her journey,” said friend Brett Jet. “Look at it this way, she was more than just a muffin break employee – I mean, did anyone know she was an aspiring musician? No they did not, but now that she’s dead there’s thousands of people flocking to her soundcloud to pay respects. Turns out death is a great career move. She’s getting some really some great exposure out of this.”

Gabby will be remembered for her sunny attitude, her love of smashed avos, and her inability to afford rent.


The new book from Chaser Quarterly:
Charles Firth's Fractured Fairy Tales
In bookshops or buy now

Like us Facebook for more stories like this:


Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!