In a bold move to protect the American people, the US military has today successfully intercepted a romantic Valentine’s Day balloon ride that was flying over Montana. The doe-eyed couple on board were successfully terminated after intelligence officials observed that they were taking numerous photos.
“There was no military intel in the photos,” explained one government representative. “It’s just we’re pretty sure they were planning a sappy Valentines Day photo dump on Instagram, and we didn’t want to take any chances.”
According to military sources, the heart-shaped balloon had been detected on radar and was deemed a potential security risk. “It’s just suspicious,” explained a representative from the White House. “I mean, a heart shaped balloon? Really? Obviously their relationship has some deeper issues they’re trying to plaster over if they have to make that kind of a public statement. Better we end it now just to be safe.”
The military has warned the public that any future attempts to rub your happy relationship in other people’s faces over restricted airspace could result in serious consequences.
However, the incident has faced some backlash among some who feel that the military’s response was a little heavy handed. “It was just a balloon for two people who want to show off their love, for crying out loud!” exclaimed one angry Twitter user. “Surely you should have tasered them for a bit first.”
Despite the backlash, the military has defended its actions, insisting that it takes all potential threats seriously. “We can never be too careful,” said a spokesperson. “In this day and age, we can’t afford to let our guard down, even on Valentine’s Day we’re still on the job.”
“Or at least that’s what I’ve been telling my wife to get out of having to book an expensive dinner.”