Queen still dead, rolling reporting confirms

Reporters around the Commonwealth have today remained vigilantly on guard for any breaking developments in the death of a 96 year old woman. “Yes, I’m just getting some updates in now and yes I can confirm for audiences tonight the Queen is still dead,” said a panicked BBC reporter tonight. “We’ll be crossing live to the scene now to see how people are reacting to this development.”

The news came as a great shock to the panel of royal experts playing musical chairs in the newsroom, with many saying they were sad to hear she had passed on before they gained a chance to learn anything about her. “I mean, I didn’t know her personally, or really have any real connection to her, but I strongly believed this death would have been quite a change of circumstances for the Queen,” reported one expert panelist. “I could only imagine how she must be feeling right now. I think we can all assume there would be a range of emotions there, and perhaps she might even have had some thoughts on it as well.”

Reporters on the scene outside Buckingham palace have also confirmed this sentiment, repeatedly, in many different ways, again and again, and in various forms. “Yes I can confirm now that here outside the palace, we are definitely standing just meters from the building in which the royals live,” said one shocked reporter. “Just inside those walls, as you could imagine, the Queen spent some of her years, and here standing just meters from that historic location, the mood in the air is definitely that this is a place where we are just meters from where her majesty once lived.”

UPDATE: We can now exclusively confirm according to reports on the ground that the Queen is still very much unalive. More to come.


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