Contact tracers are in a race against the clock tonight, after learning one man checked in at over 500,000 venues this week, in direct contravention of current Covid limiting guidelines. “I don’t know what this individual was thinking,” raged the head of the NSW health department tonight. “Rest assured we have put out a warrant, and he will be facing a hefty fine of $2000 per residence visited. In other news the $200 billion budget deficit is solved.”

Authorities suspect the man may also be linked to a recent string of thefts, which saw countless households robbed of milk, cookies, and brandy that had been left unprotected on benchtops, and there have been suggestions this may also be the same house intruder who has been watching children while they sleep.

Police have so far been unable to identify the man, with high hopes of evidence from one residence being quickly dashed after DNA was found to only match the father of the house.