Hospitals across the country have been flooded this holiday season, in what is being described as “the worst outbreak of seasonal mondegreen based arguments since Christmas crackers included a joke using the word ‘forehead’ in 1994.”
Just like then, doctors are reporting numerous patients coming to them with injuries resulting from altercations
among family members over the pronunciation of words. “This year it seems to be yanny wreaths that are causing all the hubbub.” said local hospital surgeon Dr Siobhan Saoirse before being corrected by nearby oncologist Dr Sean Johnston, who was certain that it had always been pronounced “laurel wreath”.
The influx of patients couldn’t have come at a worse time for the nation’s hospitals, with the medical system already under intense strain from those who sustained injuries from arguing about whether a Santa should be “gender neutral”.
“We’ve seen a lot of people coming in due to that particular news story,” said one stressed nurse, “not because of fights mind you, god no there were like 3 people max arguing for a gender neutral santa and even they were barely convinced by their own arguments. No, all the injuries we’re seeing are entirely self inflicted, people who made angry posts about “PC culture gone mad” on Facebook before family members pointed out it was an entirely made up story by Fox News to fish for angry clicks and nobody is seriously waging any kind of ‘War on Christmas’. We just forward all those people on to the self-burns unit.”
The War on 2019 - Live Show - National Tour
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