BREAKING: A horrible disease that has killed 200,000 Americans was today diagnosed with Coronavirus. The sitting President however says he is not concerned, given he has plenty of bleach on hand.

2020 tells world not to worry about Trump as he will just magically disappear in a few weeks.

Trump announces that he tested negative, by which he means positive, but not that kind of positive, the negative kind of positive, which is actually… [continued for 20 minutes]

Experts point out that if Trump dies his death won’t be attributed to coronavirus, given he is clearly already suffering the comorbidity of foot-in-mouth disease.