The Apple Corporation in California has today revealed their latest slimline innovation, unveiling a new, smaller share price to rapturous applause from a captive audience at their latest shareholder meeting.

“This is a whole new paradigm for corporate stagnation,” announced lead designer Johnny Ive, moments after announcing his resignation, “Financial failure has never looked so good.”

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Fans have reportedly rushed to purchase the new, smaller, stocks, immediately causing the shareprice to skyrocket. “It looked smaller in the pictures,” complained one disgruntled fan. “But I guess I paid $5000 for it, so it must be good.”