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Labor responds to early bushfire season by guaranteeing South Coast AirBnBs will remain safe
"Saving our donors is our first priority
Trump demands trial be moved to the ‘highest court of the land’, Judge Judy
British Museum completely empty after demand that all stolen items be returned
Dictator voluntarily cedes power
BREAKING – Australia’s ruler abdicates
Goldman Sachs appoints Josh Frydenberg as chairman, immediately loses $60 billion
$21.4 million: Alan Joyce paid $1 for every dissatisfied Qantas customer
Chaos in Parliament as Dutton produces lump of uranium as prop
Local News
Addict stops using smack after talk with parents
Man unwinds from long day staring at screen with a few hours of slightly different screen
CEO given massive bonus for not sending company bankrupt
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World News
‘If only my flight had been cancelled’, Wagner boss regrets not flying Jetstar
“Huw Edwards is a creep,” claims outlet that counted down to Emma Watson’s 16th
Fox News presenter still somehow shocked that a man who bragged about grabbing women ‘by the pussy’ sexually abused someone
Awkward moment as Scott Morrison swears himself in as King
Shock across US after rich white guy might be held accountable for his actions
“Drag will confuse children” says nation raised on Mrs Doubtfire
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Politics
King Charles To Feature on Shopping Trolly Tokens
Liberal Party Announces New Recycling Policy: Dave Sharma
“We Need to Move On From the Past”, Says Man Who Makes Annual Pilgrimage to Gallipoli
Victorians Endure Final Day Living in Brutal Dictatorship
Mass Lay-Offs as Herald Sun Disbands Its Dan Andrews Department 
Victoria to Commemorate Career of Dan Andrews With Snap 16-Week Lockdown
Real Estate
Minister who forgot about buying house luckily still remembered to negatively gear it
Sultan of Brunei flaunts wealth by purchasing room in decrepit Sydney sharehouse
UN called in to resolve washing-up stalemate
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Comment Is Cheap
There's no such thing as an ethical guacamole dip for your election night party
Guardian Staff Writer
There is only one real choice in this election, Tony Abbott
Andrew Bolt
Hey Ho! This half-baked election really takes the cake!
Annabel Crabb!