satire
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General News
Earring ruins Doctor’s credibility
“I’d be worried about his ability to make sound judgements with a look so clearly inspired by 90s boybands.”
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National
Nationals do most of the swearing at new Cabinet swearing-in
Senator McGauran: has since given the finger to his own side National Party MPs have protested the loss of another ministerial post, disrupting the new Cabinet’s swearing-in with a chorus of obscenities. The protest was led by Nationals Leader Mark Vaile, who, after swearing allegiance to the Queen audibly added, “But the Liberal Party can…
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Entertainment
2005 Hottest Year on Record according to ‘Who Weekly’
Who Weekly magazine has confirmed what many climate scientists had already suspected: that 2005 was officially the Hottest Year Ever, and that 2006 promised to be “even hotter.” The 22-page, 450-word special report in the Hot Years issue was compiled by a team of two editorial assistants, before being peer-reviewed by the magazine’s sub-editors. It…
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National
Schoolies celebrate end of studies by getting drugged and molested
Year 12 students have once again descended on the Gold Coast for Schoolies Week, the annual festival where school leavers from across Australia come together to relax in the sun, binge drink and get raped. Nicole Withers, 17, of Pymble NSW, is a typical schoolie looking to wind down after a tough year of studying.…
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General News Archive
Viewer still unsure if Mythbusters are gay
After two seasons of watching Mythbusters, Redfern woman Sue Hooper still hasn’t reached a definitive conclusion about the sexual orientation of hosts Adam Savage and Jamie Hyneman. Months of painstaking anecdotal enquiry have left her only “90% sure that Jamie is gay, and Adam is just his good friend. Or at any rate that Jamie…
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World
Failed suicide bomber jailed: placed on suicide watch
Jordanian authorities fear that failed suicide bomber Sajida Mubarak al-Rishawi, who was taken into custody this week, may try, but fail, to harm herself in prison. “We’re very concerned for her safety,” a Jordanian prison official explained. “Much more concerned than she is in fact.” Rishawi will be kept under 24 hour observation in an…
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General News
Lame satirical article labours point
A satirical article laboured the point yesterday, merely dragging out the headline for another 300 words, unconfirmed sources reported. As often happens with these articles, a point was made in the second paragraph, then only repeated with a direct quote. "That often happens with these kinds of things. A point is made then a quote…
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General News Archive
Sensible cowboy hates being stereotyped
Appalled by the latent prejudice he encounters everyday, ranch-hand Jimmy “Montana” Pitt has launched a one man crusade against those who vilify cowboys. “The word ‘cowboy’ has come to be associated with slip-shod, hot-headed work. But most of us are hard working folk, and today ranching is a very valuable part of the economy,” said…
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Entertainment
Washed-up star longs for the days he was a has-been
1980s teen heart-throb Corey Haim longs for the glory days of his failing career, when his name was a still regular feature in “not hot” lists. “I’d love to go to the opening of an envelope these days, but the invites aren’t coming in like they used to,” says the co-star of Snowboard Academy and…