Organisers of the Melbourne Cup have emerged with long faces today, announcing the event had to be called off over Covid fears after every competitor reported having a horse throat.

Doctors have reported that though the situation is concerning, all their patients are currently in a stabled condition.

Scenes of chaos have already emerged at the track, with organisers forced to reign in angry punters who ponied up cash. Many have called for the race to go ahead, stating we can’t let the fear of covid control our lives and that we should stop listening to the neighsayers.

Experts have reported that they believe some horses may still be up to completing the race, as they were looking much better after having some cough stirrup.

Edit: The editor would like to apologise for all the terrible puns in this article, rest assured the writer has been fired for this brazen flogging of a dead horse