February 12, 2020
David Warner denies sandpapering Allan Border medal shortly before win
“I ask my accusers — am I the sort of person who would tamper with something just for the sake of winning? Is that really in my character?”
January 29, 2020
Folau quits French club after teammates keep kissing him on the cheek
"I don't go for that sort of thing."
January 15, 2020
All Australian Open matches to now be determined by which player collapses last
"The stakes have never been higher."
November 11, 2019
Tennis Australia to hold event which will honour and condemn Margaret Court
"She was a great sportswoman and may we never speak of her again."
July 12, 2019
‘Relieved’ cricket hater oblivious to fact The Ashes start in two weeks
FOLLOWING Australia’s exit from the Cricket World Cup this morning, house-mates and co-workers of 21-year-old Leonard Boink have agreed to
June 27, 2019
Scientists reveal conclusive proof rugby causes brain damage
"The evidence is now irrefutable"
May 29, 2019
Tomic the Tank Engine can’t be bothered to go up mildly steep hill
Following Bernard Tomic's first round defeat in the French Open, a new episode of Tomic the Tank Engine has been released
April 12, 2019
Israel Folau tearily comes out as dickhead
"I don't want to hide it anymore"
November 6, 2018
Scott Morrison euthanised on track after fall in polls
Morrison fell sharply in the polls stewards the most humane course of action was to bring in the curtains
November 6, 2018
Local suit having rough time deciding between ‘protesting horse cruelty’ or ‘free office lunch’
I'll just go but I won't enjoy it
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