The White House has today unveiled its official portrait of golfer and part-time President Donald J. Trump at a ceremony in Washington DC. Revealing the image chosen to capture the ‘spirit and character’ of the United States’ 45th President, onlookers say they were pleasantly surprised how spot on the depiction was.
“Look at the detailed way that the flames lap up the side of the dumpster as it throttles down a hill,” commented one critic, “and look how they perfectly captured the stink lines for the vile pool of tepid bin juice oozing out of the base of the runaway dumpster fire.”
“It’s as if Trump were here right now standing in front of us, but of course he’s not because he’s too busy watching Fox news in case they compliment him on his decision to ban the number 8.”
However, not everyone is pleased with the depiction, with senator and leader of the Donald Trump fan club Lindsay Graham lashing out at what he claims is an unrealistic depiction of the President. “I reject that the President is anything like a dumpster fire!” he said angrily. “The fact is that dumpster fires are very hot and toxic to everyone around them, and Donald Trump is certainly not hot.”
Asked why he chose to depict Trump as a dumpster fire, the artist John Painter said he wanted to capture Trump’s controversial nature. “You know I really wanted to bottle the spirit of the guy who tried to blackmail the Ukranian President into creating dirt on his main political opponent, the guy who tweeted out that he has ‘unmatched wisdom’ while also mis-spelling words, the guy who accused the leader of the House of treason, who ripped into the previous Republican presidential nominee on a whim, who admitted to his crimes live on camera after denying they happened only days before, the guy who pulled troops out in the middle of a war without telling anyone, who picked a fight with the weather bureau of all people, and then used a sharpie to fake a weather map because he couldn’t admit to making a mistake. A guy who decided to sue a metaphorical swamp. A guy who wanted to fill a 200 kilometre moat with snakes and crocodiles, and asked his staff to cost it. You know, the guy who mis-spelled the word Lil’ and then claimed the media were corrupt when they questioned what in Gods name he was trying to say. And, I mean, that’s just the last two weeks. How long have you got?”
Donald Trump was contacted for a response to this story, but was unavailable to comment due to a previous commitment to covfefe
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