Sydney train timetables to be replaced by Magic 8 Ball for greater accuracy

In a move in a move expected to vastly improve the transport network, Sydney Rail has today announced plans to replace its existing timetables with a more accurate and reliable system, the Magic 8 Ball.

“We realized that our current timetabling method of flipping a coin jsut wasn’t working anymore,” said Sydney Trains CEO Elle Eightrain. “So we thought, why not upgrade to something a bit more technologically advanced?”

The new Magic 8 Ball system promises to improve travel experiences for thousands of daily passengers. When asked for an estimated arrival time, the Magic 8 Ball will respond with phrases such as “Indications Aren’t Good”, “Ask Again Later”, or “All Signs Point To No” matching if not surpassing existing timetable predictions.

“It’s a great improvement,” says one enthusiastic commuter. “It hasn’t fixed anything, but at least I can have some time in the 8 hours I’m waiting now.”

“It’s great fun to ask it questions,” the commuter explained. “Will I be late for work? Will I miss my meeting? Will my train ever turn up? It’s like a thrilling game of Russian roulette with only my career, time, and reputation on the line!”

The move has already inspired other government departments, with Tourism NSW offering all visitors a free Ouija Board to help them make contact with Sydney’s nightlife.

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