St Mary’s Cathedral has been forced to increase security today, after a man managed to make it onto the stage while dressed up as an absolutely massive bellend.

“Clearly he was doing some kind of over the top lampoon of what a heartless Pell defender might sound like,” said one person in the audience. “He wasn’t even remotely subtle about it – calling Pell the ‘greatest man he’s ever known’ and then saying going to jail for fiddling kids is the same as Jesus being crucified? Hilarious!”

However, it has since been revealed that the entire Catholic Church is in fact an ironic piece of performance art, and was in on the bit all along.

“You didn’t think we were serious did you?” asked the Pope. “I mean come on, an organisation that spends all it’s time lecturing people about only doing good things which then goes in to bat for child molesters? Haha could you imagine!”

“I mean, what about the time we had a guy get on stage in a big gilded dress, to say drag queens shouldn’t be allowed to read fictional stories to children on Sundays because they’re groomers? How did nobody see the irony there.”

“And don’t even get me started on Peter Dutton turning up to Pell’s funeral even though he isn’t Catholic! Haha what a great parody of a Bond villain,” the Pope continued. “Oh dear, actually I’ve just been informed he isn’t one of our characters. He really is just like that.”

“Yikes.”