In a shocking about-face, opposition leader Peter Dutton has today announced that he will no longer be supporting tax rorts for the super rich after being informed that they are, in fact, a minority.
“As I said about gay marriage, the apology, the Voice vote, and refugees we cannot continue to prioritize the needs of a tiny minority of people,” Dutton said in a press conference. “I think we can all agree it would make me look like a massive hypocrite if I didn’t stand by this when it comes to the super wealthy.”
When asked for comment, a representative from the super rich community said they were “shocked and appalled” by Dutton’s decision to turn his back on them. “I’m furious,” one wept. “I’m going to have to wash so many funds through my personal charity to offset these new taxes!”
In response to Dutton’s announcement, the government has announced that they will now be redirecting money previously earmarked for tax breaks for the super rich towards more pressing needs, such as healthcare and education. Critics of the move have warned that that this may lead to a slippery slope where Australia becomes an equal society where everyone is comfortable and nobody has to suffer, a possibility described by the RBA as “horrifying”.