Patron saint of the “I’m not racist, but…” brigade, Pauline Hanson, has today called for a total ban on caged marshmallows, after seeing how big they can grow when left to graze out in the field.
“Look at them, they’re beautiful,” wept Hanson as she drove through the countryside. “I had no idea all this time I’d been supporting the culling of baby marshmallows.”
Hanson went on to explain that she had recently visited a marshmallow factory, where she was horrified to see the tiny, cramped conditions that the marshmallows were forced to live in.
“These poor creatures were barely able to move in their tiny packets,” she said. “It was heart-breaking to see them like that.”
Hanson has called on the government to introduce legislation that would ban the practice of caging marshmallows and require farmers to allow their marshmallows to roam freely.
“This is how they are meant to be eaten,” she said before taking a bite out of a plastic covered haystack. “Mmm, see so much more fibre.”